Army Wife in North Carolina

My husband, "Rick," spent a year in Iraq. He has been home for 3 1/2 months. Before his return, the Army gave out a lot of information for us about what to expect upon his arrival -- how he might act, how the kids might react. None of it seems to have helped me. Rick has had no trouble adjusting to being home. He has experienced no serious side effects from being there. The problem is me. While Rick was gone, I did everything. I took care of our little boy, ran the house -- handled everything. Now that Rick is home, I'm having a hard time relearning how to share MY child and MY house with him. Yes, Abby, I know it's his baby and his house, too.

Rick's deployment was the first time I had ever lived by myself -- and I liked it. Now it seems that everything he does is wrong. Things that never used to bother me set me off now. I have gone from being a laid-back, patient person to a ranting, raving she-devil. Rick loads the dishwasher wrong and puts the toilet paper in backward; he drives wrong. Everything he does is wrong, because he does it differently than I do. What's wrong with me? I know I'm acting like a lunatic. I love my husband very much and don't want to act this way. I want our marriage to be successful and happy. What can I do?

Leslie says...

I waited your entire letter for just a smidgeon of something resembling gratitude or happiness. Not once did you write how proud you are of your husband’s service to his country. Not once did you say that you are happy to have him home again. Never did you express how thankful to God you are for sparing your husband’s life. So I have no idea how to get it through your selfish head just how blessed and fortunate you are. There are many wives and families who will never see their loved ones again. There are children who have to grow up now without their parent. But instead of recognizing this and being grateful, all you do is complain about what he’s doing different from you? Please find the nearest station and get an attitude check immediately!