Sad in the South

For 35 years I have been married to the most manipulative, cunning, critical man ever born. "Homer" gets what he wants by using "helpful hints," offering "advice" and telling me "what's best," and sometimes even getting blue in the face and crying. He is very good at it, never quite overplaying his hand. He wears me down until I finally give in. By using this technique, Homer has made sure that we live where he wants to live, vacation where he wants to go, drive the car he likes, and have even decorated our home in his preferred colors. During the first years of our marriage, I gave in because I loved him. Later, I did it to avoid an argument. Now I do it out of habit. I loathe Homer for making me a doormat, and I loathe myself for allowing it to happen. Homer will be retiring after the first of the year with a very nice annuity, which I feel I have earned, too. I have a small pension, but it's too small to live on my own. I don't know if I can bear Homer's company 24/7, but can I really start again at 65? Everyone calls us the "perfect couple," but I am miserable and he is driving me closer to the door. I have often thought of just packing up and leaving. Can you help?

Leslie says...

Well, we both agree that you should loathe yourself for allowing Homer to make you a doormat. The key words are: you allowed. Create a new word and do a new thing: unallow. You're a grown woman with your own mind and your own ideas. You are not Homer's child, and it's time you stop allowing him to treat you as such. Can you start over at 65? What is this - some kind of rhetorical question? Because you either start over and move on to bigger and better things, or you continue to be a doormat the rest of your life. Now, do you really need me to tell you which you should choose? Instead of "moving closer to the door," write me back when you finally make it to the other side.