Love Triangle - But Not Really

OK. Of course I had planned to have my next post be about my wedding, but a friend of mine shared her cousin's concern with me, and wanted to get my take on it. So I'm going to interrupt my love page (LOL) to give this advice. In a nutshell, here is the cousin's situation (the names have been changed):

Keisha and Brian are brother and sister. Keisha and Lisa are best friends, and Lisa happens to also be Brian's girlfriend. I don't know exactly how long Lisa and Brian had been involved, but at some point, Lisa caught Brian in bed with another woman. She went her way and he attempted to go his, but after much begging and pleading and promising, she took him back. Something happened recently, and whatever it was, was not told to me. But it left Brian beefing with Lisa, to the point he didn't call her for her birthday and some other 8th grade, girlish stuff. Introduce Brenda - the "sweet" girl who for work-related reasons is staying at Keisha and Brian's mother's house. One night, Keisha and Brenda go out. Keisha drops Brenda back off at her mother's house. The next night, the aunt walks into Brenda's room and finds Brenda and Brian in bed together. Angry, the mother calls Keisha and fusses with her about it. Keisha doesn't know what time Brian came home, but at some point, he did and found himself having cheated on Lisa a second time.

Now, Lisa is calling Keisha all the time asking about Brian. Why hasn't he called me (since the birthday, I'm assuming)? What's going on? Talk to me. All this, of course, leaves Keisha feeling caught in the middle of her best friend and brother. Her course of action, thus far, has been to tell Lisa she should just forget about Brian, based on his first act of indiscretion. She has avoided telling Lisa that Brian was just recently caught cheating again. Now, Keisha's being drained emotionally trying to avoid Lisa's phone calls, and trying to avoid having to break her friend's heart with the news. Then the stress of being loyal (I guess) to her brother is draining too. He is blood, after all.

At the end of the day, Keisha just wants Lisa to leave Brian alone on her own so that she doesn't have to rat on her brother.


Leslie says...

To Brian - He's a loser and I'm not even going to devote anymore finger energy to a person like him. Besides, karma is real.

To Lisa - She needs to GET A FRIGGIN CLUE! OK, she doesn't know that Brian just recently cheated on her again, but she senses something the reason she's grilling Keisha about it/him. If I have to call CB's sister and ask her what's up with MY husband/boyfriend, something is wrong. And the sister is not the one who can help me figure it out. I need to take that up with whoever my man is. Or I could do one better, and listen to my own intuition and cut all ties with the loser myself. People have said, sometimes, if you have to ask the question, you already know the answer. He didn't call her for her birthday, hasn't called her since their fight and whatever else. Why are you talking to Keisha? Talk to him, and if he's nowhere to be found, let him stay lost.

Plus, come on now, she knows she's putting/keeping Keisha in an awkward position - the middle - of her best friend and brother. If she's your best friend, why put that stress on her? Be a woman and handle your own affairs.

To Keisha - The one I sympathize with most, but if I were you, I wouldn't be hiding from and avoiding Lisa's questions. You know your brother is wrong - family or not - and you know your best friend deserves better, so just tell her butt that he cheated again. Your brother can't be mad at you for telling the truth, and if he is, frake 'im! He'll get over it and be in somebody else's bed soon enough. If you don't want to do that, just tell Lisa, look, I'm tired of you putting me in the middle of you and Brian's affairs. I don't want to hear any more questions about him. You and I are friends and our friendship is separate from yall's relationship. And that way, you never have to tell her that you know.

People have problems with this whole issue anyway, and I don't know why - should you tell the friend if you know their partner isn't being faithful? The experience, if you never tell, is usually the one friend resenting the other for not telling. Or, if you tell, you get accused of being jealous or hateful and some other crap. Lookehere, I ain't gon stress myself and develop an ulcer foolin around with dumb people and their problems. I got my own. If I tell you, and you don't believe me, at least I told the truth. If I tell you, and you don't want to be my friend anymore, go the hell on. I ain't gon lose any sleep.

Bottom line: I believe you should tell Lisa what's up. But I know you probably don't want to, so just tell her to take it up with her boyfriend and leave you out of it.