Straight From a Queen Himself
Yesterday, we went out for my mother-n-law's birthday. Over dinner, my sister-n-law told us the story of a friend of hers who was engaged to a man. She had plans with a girlfriend of hers to go out. When she got to the girlfriend's house, the girlfriend started complaining that she didn't have anything to wear, and so she was no longer going out. My sister-n-law's friend said, then, that she would go on back home. When she got back to the townhouse that she shared with her fiance, she went upstairs to the bedroom and walked in on her man getting served by another man.
Fast forward all the trauma, and throwing up and professional help the girl did/sought - eventually, she confronted the guy her fiance had been sleeping with. Not angrily, but as part of her therapy, I guess, she wanted to get some feelings off her chest, and also find out how come she didn't know her intended was gay. The guy, she found out, had his own feelings to release and told her that he, too, was heartbroken and mad that his man had been dishonest with him. "He was supposed to be a queen like me," he told her. *blank stare*
During the conversation/confrontation, the girl finally asked him why didn't she know their man was gay. The first question he asked her was whether he was an upper or an under when they had sex. The girl had no idea what he was talking about, and when she let her confusion be known, the queen laughed and told her that was the problem with us women. You all don't know what signs to look for.
Well, my feelings about men on the DL aside, his statement struck a nerve with me because for the most part, he's right. And this fact both frightens and annoys me. Why should women have to look for signs? Why can't men just be honest? I don't want to hear about men being confused and unsure of their sexuality. Bullshyt! If you're not sure, leave women alone. If you don't know who you want to bed, don't bed anybody until you find that issh out. And for god's sake, if you know you have sexual desires for a man, be with a man and leave women the hell alone!
At any rate - because I'm not going to turn this into another blog about DL men (dayum liars) - my sister-n-law has invited this queen to her upcoming Ladies' Night. He's going to talk candidly about the signs that your man is gay. Now, I understand this will all be his opinion, but opinion or fact, I'll be there! No, I don't have any suspicions about my Chocolate Bear, but I am absolutely, 100% curious what this man has to say. My heart goes out to my sister-n-law's friend and other women like her. And if I can learn anything Saturday from this queen to help prevent another incident like this - because you know I'll be sharing what he says - then I'll feel like I've done a little something to combat this sick attack against women.
DurtyMo, Freckleface, Sandybaby, Babybear, Angel, Boston's Finest and Twin, if you want to check it out with me, let me know. It starts at 4:30 this Saturday. She's going to have more than just him there - but we're going to share thoughts on relationships, education, spiritual growth and finances. She's going to have a representative from World Financial Group to talk about investment opportunities. I ain't gon lie, though - I just want to hear about these signs straight from a queen himself! Because men be trippin!
posted by MrsNotYourMomma @ 7:49 AM
3 comments
3 Comments:
DAYUM TWIN!!! I so wanna go. mainly because I am single and have to worry about the next relationship I end up in. Plus I swear my ex is an ola on the DL. He denies it but I swear...matter fact I plan to post about it one day.
I'll be in NY this weekend but ummmm can you make sure to give an update on Monday.
Got Dayum Ola's!
A.Marie - Who are you irritated with? First, answer me that. So long as it ain't me.
(1) Is a gay man referring to himself as a queen derogatory? Oh, OK, thanks for that info cuz I ain't know. I mean I don't have any gay male friends to share such with me. And I was just repeating the story that was told to me.
(2) I think people call people homophobic too loosely. Most people - and actually, let me not try to speak for most people. Let me just speak for me - I don't have AN issue with people practicing alternative lifestyles. My issue is with society too, and their tendency to make homosexuals feel like they can't be themselves. I've said on another blog that I understand society, the black community especially, doesn't necessarily have their arms open wide ready to embrace gays, and that's not right. If we were more accepting, then you're right, men wouldn't have to hide or feel pressured to fit in. However, I don't think that's any reason for a man to pose as straight, get involved with a woman and be living a double life. If anything, let him just not date or gone and date a man. You can't put all that on society because it's still that person's choice to pretend.
(3) I have also said elsewhere that cheating period is disgusting. Anybody who knows me knows how I feel about infidelity. So you're right, anybody who steps outside a committed relationship, be it with a man, woman or dog, is dispicable. But if as a straight woman, I feel more upset or more disgusted or more traumatized that my man stepped out with another man, why is that wrong? Why does that mean I'm judging?
You said people don't have to agree with the lifestyle, just respect others' choice to live it. You are absolutely right. But if a man tells me that he is straight, and I get involved with him based on that assumption, and I find out he lied to me and prefers men too, or men period, then has he respected me? NO!
(4) I don't think women imply their risks of getting a sexually transmitted disease increase if their man has slept with or is sleeping with men too. Sexually transmitted diseases are transmitted by sex period, regardless of what sex the partner is.
Again, I think the issue is the dishonesty. It is the fact that your man prefers sex with a man as well, or is gay period, and was not honest with you. That's why I called them dayum liars. Just be honest...with yourself and with me.
Dang! I wish i had found your blog earlier that sounds like an event that I needed to attend...and not just to hear him but to hear the other things that were going to be there
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