Ya Filthy Animal

OK. So I know I've been gone a minute. For the past two weeks, I've been commenting on Royce's Daughter and DurtyMo's blogs, and welcoming my Ace Boon, A. Marie, to the wonderful world of blog. And actually, RD and DM's blogs had inspired another subject - different from the one I'm about to discuss. I had been working on it all day at work, and last night, before I left, I was getting ready to post it...but the site was down. So I couldn't. No big deal. I'd just do it in the morning. Log off, gather my things, get ready to leave, hit the bathroom on my way out.

Imagine this - the bathroom has given me this morning's blog. If you're a woman (even if you're a man), you might already know where I'm going. So you know this will be gross, but unfortunately, it is also true. Women, ya filthy animals, I'll address you at the end.

First, the stench was overwhelming. It made my eyes water. No exaggeration. I thought maybe somebody had tracked pollen inside and my allergies were getting ready to act up. When you first walk into the bathroom on my floor, there's a short walkway. You have to walk up this little walkway, then turn the corner to the main bathroom/stalls. It wasn't until I reached the main bathroom area that I realized it wasn't pollen...it was somebody's butt! No, nobody else was in there at the time, but I guess it was the remains of all the booties that had used the facilities that day. I couldn't describe for you the smell if I wanted to. Just nasty! But that's not all.

Next, there was the search for an appropriate stall. Rarely can you enter a woman's bathroom and go into the first available stall. Instead, you have to push open each door and examine the stall. The first one I peaked into had period stains around the seat. The container for sanitary napkins was overflowing and the green paper from a sanitary napkin was exposed from inside. So was the yellow and white paper from a tampon.

So I push open the next door, after nearly losing my lunch, and dried up urine stains on the front of the toilet seat greeted me. And if that wasn't bad enough, there were fresh stains on the toilet seat, and toilet paper strewn about on the floor.

At this point, I'm really considering holding it until I get home. But I know that I wouldn't make it, and so I press on...to the third stall. Evidently, this was the stall that all the fonky people used that day because as soon as I pushed the door open, the smell liked to knock me out. NO really, I was about to pass out. (And let's just say I'm giving women the benefit of the doubt by saying more than one person used that stall, because if it was just one butt out of which that odor came, I need to check her pulse cuz she DEAD!)

I hurried up and shut that door, took a couple of deep breaths - I'm telling you, the smell was alien - and kicked open the fourth and final stall. (By then, I was more than annoyed and my bladder was killing me!) The fourth stall - the handicap stall - was in the best condition of them all, but it wasn't exceptionally clean or anything. I just couldn't hold it any longer.

NOW, ladies, what's up?! Why do I have to blog about bathroom and hygiene ettiquette? I know we could all share our stories about how filthy and stank public bathrooms can be, but um, WE'RE THE ONES USING THEM! WE'RE THE ONES MAKING THEM FILTHY AND STANK! So what the problem is?!

Part of the problem, I know, especially for bathrooms at work, is we have to depend on the maintenance people to clean them periodically throughout the day. And I have had many conversations (with Babybear, DurtyMo and Sandybaby (when she was here)) about the nasty conditions of the bathrooms and how the cleaning people (LOL @ that's what we call them) don't clean the bathrooms properly. I remember we all talked about this one feces stain that stayed on the bathroom wall, right behind the toilet, for weeks before it finally got cleaned. And as much as that is proof that the cleaning people don't clean the bathrooms like they should, I can't really blame them. Why should they have to clean up behind (let alone smell) a bunch of nasty, filthy women? Their job is to clean the bathrooms, I know. But our job is to keep them looking and smelling better than we do.

Condition of the Stalls - Whenever you finish squatting, don't you check behind you to make sure you haven't dripped on the seat? Well, you should. You know sometimes we don't pee straight and there's spillage. LOOK FOR IT! Turn your lazy, trifling behinds around and LOOK! If you've spilled, wipe that crap up! Don't leave it there to dry and crudd all up for the next woman to have to look at when she comes behind you.

Which brings me back to the feces stain on the friggin wall. How in the hell did it get there? Who did it? How do you do a number two and get feces on the wall, ya filthy animals?! And then how don't you know you put it there? Benefit of the doubt again - you didn't know it had splattered (I guess) onto the wall. If you had turned around and did a spot check, then you would have noticed and hopefully wiped it up. UGH!

And OMG, when we are on, ladies, we have to be even more careful. The same spillage rule applies. Look for any leaks. God knows we don't want to come in and see dried up RED. Can you imagine the smell of old period? Come on now. But beyond the spills, be courteous and wrap your napkins up tightly/securely. When I go to dispose of my own, do I want to see a half opened napkin inside that bin? Um, NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Make sure what you are disposing of goes completely in the container, paper and all. And if it's full, for goodness sake, don't force it. Bring it out with you and put it in the big trashcan. I don't want to see it when I walk into the stall, nor when I go to dispose of mine.

Condition of Your Butts - I feel like somebody's momma trying to explain to her daughter the importance of good hygiene. But the truth is, ladies, some of us ain't washin our behinds. I know you ain't because I smell you. The odor in the bathroom sometimes is sickening, and not that I'm the queen of smells, but you know when you're smelling a dirty mop used to clean the bathrooms, and when you're smelling a dirty arse. LOL!

One of our premarital counseling sessions, on sex and intimacy, included discussion about hygiene. I never would have thought it was that kind of issue, but it is. You can't expect a man to look forward to being intimate with you when there's an odor, can you? (Of course the same applies to men who want to go play ball all afternoon, then come back home, looking for the woman to want to get at him right then. No, honey, go use some soap and water first and then come holla atcha girl! LOL) And I'm talking odor beyond what's normal. I'm talking repulsive odors that only come from not washing. Ladies, nobody wants to smell that. Take care of it, hear?

All of the Michael Baisden (sp) shows this week are repeats. They're a bunch of "best of" shows. Well, anyway, yesterday's was about getting tested for sexually transmitted diseases. I was shocked and horrified listening to the number of women who said they personally know women who have never been to a gynecologist in their lives! If I may borrow an expression from the GGs, HUNH!!!!!?!!!!!

If I didn't know any better, I'd think they were lying. I can't imagine any woman never being seen by a GYN. Does she realize the bacteria and everything else she can have unknowingly? Forget about the diseases she can have and unknowingly pass on to a man. All I could think about was if she doesn't care enough about her cootie to go get it checked out by a GYN, then she probably doesn't care enough about it to wash it! And I was smelling her when I went in the bathroom before I left work. Filthy self!

And that's all I have to say...because if I keep going, I'll turn crass. (And I've consciously tried to remain polite.)

My point is/was this: women need better hygiene and bathroom etiquette. It amazes me how nasty we can be sometimes. Makes me wonder what other nasty habits we have, but I digress. I have to go to the bathroom again. Oh gawd! Yall pray for me.