My Morning State

OK, so I didn't think my first post about married life would be this, but it is what it is. You know how the little things, if you don't confront them, can turn into big things...that ruin a relationship? Well, I know this is a little thing, but some mornings, it feels pretty darn big. Choco Bear and I have talked about this, but he won't change. So now I'm bringing it to you all to get your insight and opinion. Here goes...

In one month and seven days, we've gotten into a few routines. It's been cute and fun discovering what patterns and routines work for us. Right now, our mornings consist of this:

Alarm clock goes off at 5:30. CB gets up immediately, takes care of business in the bathroom; returns to the room, and watches Sports Center while dressing - he even turns it down real low so as not to disturb me. Aw! Most mornings, he fixes a small breakfast for us, my favorite being the turkey sausage and cheese sandwich on English muffin. By 6:30, he's finished, has eaten, has put my sandwich in the microwave for me, and is preparing to leave. Before he does, he comes in the room to give me my wake-up call: a kiss, a good morning, a have a nice day, an I'll talk to you later, all that good stuff.

Which is GREAT, but here's where it gets tricky. Some mornings, while leaning over me to do what I just named, CB wants to remain there and talk a little. But his face has been washed, his teeth brushed, his mouth rinsed out with mouthwash. I haven't done any of that, and so I'm laying there, pushing him off of me because I ain't comfortable with him all up in my face with my morning breath, spit-stained cheeks, crust around my mouth and all that. He's just as content as can be, and it drives me crazy. I switch to Psycho Woman mode and I'm like get off of me, move, leave! It's crazy...or maybe just I am.

Is anybody feeling me? Of course, I know that's on him that he wants to be all in my face in that state, but at the same time, I ain't gotta be comfortable with him being there, do I? Not that I'm like Whitley from A Different World, and want to get up before him, brush my teeth and all that, and look "beautiful" for my wake up call. (Heck, I got issues looking beautiful during the day. I gotta work on that too.) But I think my issue is I don't want him, in turn, to feel like I should want to be in his morning face either. Because I don't. And I ain't. Plus, the biggest annoynce of all is, he looks good in the morning! LOL He doesn't have spit on his face, crust around his mouth, and because my baby likes to sleep cuddled - he's gonna kill me that I said that - I'm smelling his breath and nose breath before he wakes up, and it doesn't stink, yall. Me, on the other hand...well, just take my word, it's not pretty!

Even during our morning or pre-morning romps, he's trying to kiss me and I'm moving my head away. What is it with him that he doesn't mind all that? One of us has some issues, and I think it's him! LOL

Baby, I'mma need you to just give me the kiss, make sure I'm up, and go on about your business. Because I don't want to talk to you in my morning state. Love you.

The Mrs.
*cracking up*

Vengeance

Are you a vengeful person? I am. When I was in college, one of my literary classes required us to keep a journal of short stories. We had to write in a journal every day. Sometimes, each entry would be a whole story, and sometimes I would continue a longer story through several entries. At any rate, this professor, next to my A, would make these or similar comments: Not Your Momma, great imagination! Maybe you want to try a theme that does not involve revenge. / I see that in all your writings, the antagonist always gets his just dues. / Good is still prevailing, I see!

I honestly didn't realize this about my writing until the professor pointed it out. But once he did, I could not deny that that common thread was there. I got to thinking about me and how I dealt with life period, and the need for revenge was there too. The need to right wrongs and do unto others as they did to me was a must.

I will hold a grudge like my life depends on it. If you do me wrong, I can't even see straight until I've done something back to you. Or if I don't get you back, but I hear about your hard times, I'm the first to say well, that's why you should be careful how you treat people. OK, to have just typed that sounds a little evil and sick and emotionally distrubed, but sometimes I am. I have been told by friends that I'm too fairytale-minded. I naively believe the world is this balanced place where goodness returns goodness. And if I'm nice to you, you should be nice back. Well, so what. I do believe that, which is probably why I have a problem accepting bad as the return on my good. And why I will not rest until I've gotten you back. Even if I just store what you did in my brain for years and years. I just have a hard time forgetting wrong.

Well, NYM, sometimes you have to be the bigger person. Um, no I don't. I've tried that a few times. Hated it! I've tried apologizing when I was the one who had been wronged just to keep peace. Been there done that making excuses for people being mean and rude, electing to forgive and forget and be your friend again. So no, I don't want to be the big person all the time. Sometimes I want to be the petty, small person. Sometimes that feels better.

I know, the audacity of me to act like I've never been the one to wrong somebody else. Of course I have. And there I was in need of their forgiveness. But do you think that softens me? Do you think that makes me less quick to be the vengeful bytch that I sometimes am? No. And I'm working on it. I guess this is why we need to leave vengeance to the Lord. He is the only person capable of handing this very delicate issue. We're too biased and full of self and sin to think rationally about it.

At least I am.

This is Mrs. NYM, and I approve this message!