Confused In Texas

I am a 36-year-old female. I have been dating this guy I'll call "Louie" for more than two years. He never told me he had anyone else. But one day he let it slip that he had been living with this woman, "Grace," for more than 10 years. I'm not the type to break up a home. Had I known, I never would have dated him. By the time I found out, I was in love with Louie, and he said he felt the same about me. I never knew exactly where Louie lived or had his home phone number, but I did have his cell phone number. Whenever I'd call, it was either turned off or he wouldn't answer. Finally, I called information and got his home number, but I have never used it. Now, two years later, we have a child together. None of his family members know about our little girl. He says he does not want anyone to know right now -- especially Grace. He says she would leave him, take half his belongings and sue him for alimony.
He has given me less than $360 in child support since I gave birth. Louie says if I sue him for child support, things will get nasty. He says he will make my life a living hell. I hardly ever see him anymore. What is a woman supposed to do? I think he's afraid of Grace. I want to sue him for child support, and I have the papers filled out and sealed, but haven't mailed them yet for fear of what Louie might do. Please help me.

Leslie says...

Unconfuse yourself and get a grip. Stop acting simple! At least I hope it's an act. How in the world did you MISS the fact that your loser boyfriend is married? How do you convince yourself that it's OK to date a man whose home phone you cannot have? Or whose house you can never visit? Give me a break! And if that's not bad enough, you proceed to have a child with this man? Your judgement and common sense is lacking and needs to improve ASAP. You have a child now. You can't afford to make dumb decisions any longer. Send in the court papers and make Louie fulfill at least his financial obligations to his child. Ordinarily I would tell you to forget his threats because more than likely he doesn't mean them, but in the wake of cases like Yvette Cade, you should go to the police and at least put them on record. File for a protective order. Louie will have to be exposed (to Grace) for the cheating bastard that he is. But that's not your problem.

Grandmother in Missouri

I have reason to believe that a young man in my family may be gay. (He is 15.) I have been thinking a lot about it lately, and have been wondering if circumcision would cure it. What do you think?

Leslie says...

Your letter was tough. My first instinct was to go up one side of you and down the other for what has got to be the dumbest, most ignorant question I have ever been asked. But my mother taught me to respect my elders, and so I will simply say instead that no, I don't think circumcision prevents homosexuality. Number one, you only suspect your relative is gay. You don't know this is a fact. Number two, if he is, the best thing you can do for him is love and accept him, and pray for him.

Patient in California

For the last year I have been involved with a lovely woman who has been separated from her husband for two years. Although she seems to care a lot for me and my son, she has not yet accepted my proposal of marriage. Her husband comes around several times a month to do work around the house and even balances her checkbook for her. They own several pieces of property together and both have good incomes. I have expressed my concern about what is keeping her from going ahead with a divorce. She claims she's waiting for her husband to file -- and he's not ready yet! I say they're both hanging on to each other because neither of them is ready to move on with their lives. Should I wait? Or should I give up and hope to meet someone who is available for a nice guy who has a lot of love to share?

Leslie says...

Please! Your girlfriend is still very much married and you need to wake up and realize that she is never going to divorce him. If she wanted to, she would have done it already. Should you wait? If you want to continue being used and made to look like a fool, then be my guest. But I would much rather see you tell the no good tramp good riddens, and move on to a woman who can be a better example of a step-mother to your son, and someone who will reciprocate the love you give.

Anonymous

I met a very kind man about two months ago. From then on, we saw each other twice a week at group get-togethers. He would always lead me away from the others, talking to me and flirting with me. He's very forward. He is always touching me, putting his arms around me -- and he asked me for my phone number the second time I saw him. We have still been hanging out, but I found out he has a girlfriend! He doesn't know that I know. When I pull back from his touching me, he asks me why. Is it possible that he doesn't have a girlfriend? Or is he just one of those guys who will flirt with anyone -- including me?

Leslie says...

Yes, it's possible he doesn't have a girlfriend, but it's also likely that he does. And there's only one way to find out - ask him. Next time you're together and he gets to feeling and touching on you, ask him if he's sure his girlfriend doesn't mind his behavior. And remember: if he will cheat on her, he will cheat on you.