I've Been Tagged My Own Friggin Twin!

The only "tag" I know about is the game from back in the day when you got chased by the person who was "it." The object was to run to "base" and not get caught, or you would be "it." Aw. My childhood was so much fun. Yall remember "Red Light, Green Light," "Mother May I," "The Devil and the Pie," "Freeze Tag," or my favorite, "What Time is it Old Lady Witch?" Remember "Freaky Fridays?" Aw. I wanna be a kid again!

Anyway, thanks to Royces Daughter, I've been tagged. That means I have to tell 6 things about myself that I've never told anybody else. Well, some people already know these things, but most of you don't. I guess it still counts. *shrug*

***Disclaimer: I now know Jesus.***

1. When I was in college, I used to shoplift from the Wal-Mart. (OK, now I'm nervous. I can't believe I'm doing this. I can't stand my twin right now. Make me sick!) A friend of mine and I used to catch the bus (don't laugh) up to the shopping center and steal like our lives depended on it. I mean, we were up there every weekend, and sometimes during the week. People, we used to skip class to go steal. (Lord, I thank you for forgiveness.) Half of my CD collection is HOT - CDs were the main thing I stole. (I said main thing, not the only thing.) One summer, I had a rack of family and friends graduating from various schools. Every single graduation gift I gave was stolen. I even stole the wrapping paper to wrap them hot gifts! I "gave" cordless phones, packs of computer disks, CDs, alarm clocks, linen.

Anywho, one particular Saturday, we're doing our thing, and long story short, we got caught, handcuffed and arrested. *sigh* Yeah, I did a 24-hour bid down at the local jail. And I only stayed over night because I refused to call my parents. I would have rather stayed in jail than call Lawrence and Maria. It was a Saturday night, too, and they were home in the bed getting ready for church the next day? No suh, I'll stay right here, officer! I ended up calling a good girlfriend of mine, she wired the bondsman the money for me, and I got out. Commnity service served, record expunged, thank God for His grace and mercy.

FYI: I went to Frostburg State University, and it was a small town. (It was also straight out of the 60s, which is why I'm the militant person I am today, but that's another blog.) Our arrest made the friggin local paper, yall. It was so embarrassing. I had teachers pulling me aside in class trying to counsel me. The thing I regret most is the shame it brought to my parents. I didn't want those YT professors thinking my parents were bums, or I came from a dysfunctional home or anything like that. My YT teachers came to the court with me, had written glowing character letters on my behalf and I resented all of it. (That's another blog too.) I'll never bring this kind or any other kind of shame on my parents ever again. My mother almost fainted in the courtroom. It was a big shameful mess. *sigh* Oh, Leslie, what are we gonna do with you!?!

2. Number one was kind of deep for me, so I'm going to let that count as 2 things. Deal with it! So number 2 is I was arrested once. I don't like telling that because you know what people say about a thief - once a thief, always a thief. Well, that's not always true. But I ain't gon argue the point. Remember my friend who got caught with me? Well, she called one of her older brothers and he bailed her out. That summer after we graduated, I went to her graduation cookout at her parents' house, and it was the first time I had met her brothers. Why when I came through the door, they all started shouting, "Hide the silver! Put up the good china!" We can laugh about it now, but it wasn't funny when it was going on.

3. I met my fiance on Black Planet. (I need to get to a happy one after all of that.) Not to bore you with all the details, but I met him in August of 2003; he took me home to meet his momma in December of the same year; he proposed on his birthday on December 20, 2005. We are getting married on October 7th of this year. To say I'm in love is an understatement. I'm blessed to have this chocolate man in my life. He is the real deal. He isn't some cheap imitation of a man - he is the epitome of a man. He is quality, and I'm glad I held out for him. I could have settled for much less so many times. I can't wait to be his wife!

4. I kinda/sorta had a one-night stand too. I was on a cruise and slept with one of the musicians. (HaHa @ me acting like a groupie - he was the lead singer, though, LOL) I got on that ship HOT as I don't know what. I'd be lying if I said I didn't mean for it to happen. I plotted that. Prior to that encounter, I had been celibate for 3 years. I was some kind of guilty after I went home. The Holy Spirit whipped me something terrible, as He should have. Again, I thank God for His mercy and grace. It took me a long time to forgive myself, too. (I just have a thing with whoredom. I pride myself on not being one.)

5. When I was in college, I had a small run-in with a white professor. This is something else I'm ashamed of because I cried afterwards (and I'll get to that in a moment). Like I said, the university I went to was in a small, backwards town, and the school was predominantly white. I was in this upper level psychology class, "Psychology of the Personality," and was the only black person in the class. (That wasn't uncommon.) One day, the white, Papa-Smurf-looking professor came in, like he always did, and started lecturing. Normally, there would be a lot of dialogue about the assigned case study, but this particular class, nobody was saying much. He stopped and asked, "Did anybody read the case study?" Nobody said anything, so he started asking students one by one if they had read the assignment. "Did you read the case study?" Every student's answer was "no." I was sitting somewhere in the middle of the class, and when he got to me, he asked, "Did you read the case study?"

"No."

"Why not?"

I'm thinking, here we go. He didn't ask anybody else why not. Why I got to get grilled?! *sigh*
"Because I didn't."

"Well, I thought if anybody had read it, it would have been you. After all, the case was about a black person." (Of course, he put that emphasis on black. You know how they say it when they're really racist, right?)

So I said, "I don't care if it was about my mother, I didn't read it. Move on to the next person!"

"I need to talk to you after class."

Long story short, he threatened to write me up and go to the Dean for being rude and disrupting his class? Huh? Low point: I apologized to him, and then went home and cried. And I mean I boo-hooed. My feelings were hurt. I was mad that I apologized. Mad that I was crying about it. That thing shook me, and I pray daily for the Lord to remove this hate I harbor in my heart towards white people. Because I can say with no uncertainty that I hate them. And that's not Christian. And I do want to work on it. Sincerely. Yall pray for a sista.

Hmm. Let's see... This is an emotional little assignment! LOL

6. Before I started having sex, I used to have HIV tests taken. (Hold on. That's not to imply I don't take them regularly now! LOL I do.) My GYN thought I was crazy. She would ask me every exam, have you become sexually active since our last visit? "No." But I was terrified (still am) of any STD, and I was like I don't care what doctors, studies, books say about these diseases - how do I know I can't get something squatting over a toilet seat or something? How do I know I can't breathe in a virus? Test me, doc! *cracking up* I know it was dumb, but the thought so scared me that I didn't care. *sigh* There's this dancehall/ reggae song whose chorus says, "I love sex, but I don't want no STD." This is my mantra! LOL

*deep breath* OK, can I go now?

Witch Way to Turn

My daughter “Danni” is 36. She was heterosexual until she spent five years in prison. Ever since her release, she has been living in a lesbian relationship with a woman named “Marty.” But sometimes she comes to my house and uses my computer to visit lesbian sites, trying to find another lover. I hate the woman Danni is with now. I try to treat Marty with respect because I love my daughter. But I am considering trying to find a spell book and casting a spell to make Danni break up with Marty. Do you know where I could find a book with spells in it? Marty is bigger than Danni. They got into a fist fight recently, and Danni came to me covered with bruises. Please tell me what to do. I don’t know…witch way to turn.

Leslie says...

I'm not sure, but you could probably find a spell book on the Internet. When you do, though, instead of looking for a spell to make your daughter break up with Marty, you should look for one to give your butt some friggin sense! Your daughter is being abused and you want to know where you can find a book of spells? Somebody needs to make YOU disappear, and maybe then someone else can get your daughter the help she needs to leave that abusive relationship.

Sad in the South

For 35 years I have been married to the most manipulative, cunning, critical man ever born. "Homer" gets what he wants by using "helpful hints," offering "advice" and telling me "what's best," and sometimes even getting blue in the face and crying. He is very good at it, never quite overplaying his hand. He wears me down until I finally give in. By using this technique, Homer has made sure that we live where he wants to live, vacation where he wants to go, drive the car he likes, and have even decorated our home in his preferred colors. During the first years of our marriage, I gave in because I loved him. Later, I did it to avoid an argument. Now I do it out of habit. I loathe Homer for making me a doormat, and I loathe myself for allowing it to happen. Homer will be retiring after the first of the year with a very nice annuity, which I feel I have earned, too. I have a small pension, but it's too small to live on my own. I don't know if I can bear Homer's company 24/7, but can I really start again at 65? Everyone calls us the "perfect couple," but I am miserable and he is driving me closer to the door. I have often thought of just packing up and leaving. Can you help?

Leslie says...

Well, we both agree that you should loathe yourself for allowing Homer to make you a doormat. The key words are: you allowed. Create a new word and do a new thing: unallow. You're a grown woman with your own mind and your own ideas. You are not Homer's child, and it's time you stop allowing him to treat you as such. Can you start over at 65? What is this - some kind of rhetorical question? Because you either start over and move on to bigger and better things, or you continue to be a doormat the rest of your life. Now, do you really need me to tell you which you should choose? Instead of "moving closer to the door," write me back when you finally make it to the other side.

Holding Back in Ohio

I recently began dating this guy, "Don," I met a few months ago. For the most part, he's good to me. The problem is I have strong feelings for him, but I'm not sure he feels the same way. Don says he loves me, and he does treat me wonderfully -- something I've always wanted -- but I have this nagging feeling that "something" will go wrong. I don't know where this stems from. I feel myself starting to fall in love with him, but I don't know if I should because he has been married four times already. Please help me. I don't want to lose him.


Leslie says...

Have you ever heard the expression that hindsight is 20/20? A lot of times, we don't see things clearly until after we've made a bad decision or done something we regret. The same "signs" were always there; it's just for one reason or another, we don't notice them until after the damage has been done. This man has had four divorces. Four failed marriages. This is not something you should take lightly. Take the time to find out why four marriages have failed with him. Take the time to really get to know him.

Remember, that "nagging" feeling you have is probably your women's intuition. It's the common sense inside of you that many women fail to acknowledge, let alone abide by when it comes to men and relationships. Listen to it. (It's probably saying, don't be number 5!)

Rita in New York

I have a sister-in-law, "Mary." We have known each other for years. Mary lives in California, but she often sends us e-mail, and each time she does she always misspells my name as "Ritha." (My name is Rita!) I have tried pointing this out, but she continues to do it. How can I make it clear that my name is spelt Rita without appearing too rude?


Leslie says...

Obviously, dearheart, you don't have enough going on in your life. If you did, you wouldn't be worried about how your sister-n-law misspells your name in a friggin e-mail. If you've spoken to her about it, and she still hasn't corrected it, so what! Does your self-respect, or self-esteem diminish because your name is misspelled? Can you not understand the rest of the e-mail because your name is misspelled? Do you have nightmares at night because your name is misspelled? Then it's not serious and it's time you act like it. Get a hobby, will ya?! (And fyi, I didn't flip out when you misspelled "spelt," did I? Follow my lead.)

Stumped in Bethesda

My daughter, "Brooke," is 12, and already she's causing me to worry. She has a serious boyfriend, "Lyle." It's not a secret. I have been pestering her to bring Lyle to meet me, but she never gets around to it. Brooke has never been a good student; however, lately she has been getting all A's in homework, but C's and D's in tests and in her school assignments. I suspect that her boyfriend is doing her homework for her. I know that Lyle is in high school because I have heard her talking on the phone to her friends. My problem is, I feel weird accusing him of anything when I haven't met him. Am I wrong? What should I do?


Leslie says...

Who's the parent here? You or "Brooke?" YOU should be the one helping her with her homework and staying on top of her schoolwork so that she can make better grades. Instead of "pestering" her to bring Lyle home to meet you, sit her butt down and tell her why she doesn't need a boyfriend, much less one in high school. Unfortunately, you have allowed your daughter to raise herself. And for this reason, she will most likely rebel against your newfound parental authority. But for her sake, and yours (young grandmotherhood), you need to begin being her MOTHER and not some passive bystander. At 12 years old, she shouldn't be calling any shots. You should. My pastor has said that we don't have a youth problem; we have a parenting problem. (You are the poster child.)

THIS IS AN INTERRUPTION...

When I created this blog, I did not intend to post anything besides my ADVICE. I'm a woman full of opinions, but I wanted to refrain from posting my opinion about news and politics and current events. (I was going to leave that in the hands of some very capable, knowledgeable women - check out the blog of roycesdaughter. The woman knows about which she speaks! Hey, Twin!)

However, I could not resist commenting on this...this...I don't even know what the word is...this spectacle?...that Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney has created. (I'm going to assume you know what I'm talking about, so I won't bother with the back story. ) I promise you I won't be long...

The Washington Post quoted McKinney as saying that the officer initiated the incident by " 'inappropriately touching and stopping her' after she walked past a security checkpoint." Offended by the manner in which the officer stopped her, McKinney struck him with her cell phone.

I have only one question: this broad, who was not cleared to proceed and enter the building, thought she was supposed to just walk past a security checkpoint and go on about her business? Is she friggin kidding me? WTOP Radio reported this morning that McKinney plans to puruse this incident further with a lawsuit. And of course, she has alleged that it was race-based.

Come on, joe, race-based?! This was a security issue and nothing more. You were NOT recognized as belonging in the building. You were NOT cleared to enter the building. The officer had every right to stop you. But you had no right to haul off and assault the man with your cell phone. I don't frankly care how he stopped you. You proceeded through a security checkpoint without clearance to do so, so you needed to be stopped! Plain and simple.

Of course I know racism still exists and many things are race-based, but this wasn't one of them. I'm mad she has even gone there. I hate when black people play the race card unnecessarily. We holla racism sometimes to avoid taking responsibility for our actions. She failed to wear her lapel, identifying her as belonging in the building. That was HER fault. Not the officer's. Normally, I would argue - and I guess I still believe - that the actions of one black person don't reflect the entire black community as a whole. But she sure has cast another negative light on our already blemished image. I am disgusted with her simple self and this waste of media and time. She gets a big ole fat U-G-H!

Now back to your regularly scheduled program already in progress...